The BiPolar Express

A Glimpse Through the Looking Glass

Clearing Up Any Confusion January 10, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — matildebonaparte @ 6:53 pm

Clearing up confusion in my life is not simply done.  Virtually everything I do is surrounded by confusion by everyone but me.  I suppose there is one school of thought that thinks that as long you understand what is going on in your own life then no one else need be considered.

I don’t buy that.

I think that the things going on in our own individual lives have direct influence on the things going on in other people’s lives.

For example, my grandfather, bless his heart, is 90 years old.  He’s also terminally ill.  (Please, no cruel jokes here about all of us being terminal.)  He needs round-the-clock care.  My grandmother, who is 87, has always taken care of him but now that he needs such intensive care she can’t do it alone anymore.

What this inability of her’s means is that options must be examined.  (1)  He could be placed into what the English so euphmestically call “care” and she could remain home with someone checking in on her every couple of days or so.  (2) They could both be placed into “care” and the rest of the family could visit when time permitted and everyone’s lives (except grandma & grandpa’s) would go on pretty much as it always has.  Or (3) Someone, or everyone, could chip in and help keep Grandpa at home and comfortable during his final days.  Grandma could remain in her home and care for her husband as she always has.

We’re a very lucky family in that we are able to make option 3 work for us.  I’m not insinuating here that the other options are “bad” and that option 3 is “good.”   My uncle, who lives here in Virginia, is able to work remotely and so he and his wife stay with G&G most of the time.  My father, who is semi-retired and othermother, who still works full-time, live in Massachusetts but come down regularly to relieve Dale & Ruth for a week or so at a time.  My Aunt, who lives in Alaska and also still works full time, comes when she can and calls daily to make my grandparents (her parents) smile.

My bipolar disorder and the havoc it wreaks in my life carries over to the lives of my closest family.  My father and othermother who frequently help out both emotionally and financially.  My brother who keeps a wary eye on my facebook page for any clue of impending doom.  My sister who touches bases as often as having a 4 year old and a job and being pregnant allows.  I know that they do not always understand my decisions or actions and they try hard to be supportive regardless.  I also know, though, that they worry and lose sleep and talk about me and my future between themselves.

I do wish that things could be different.  For me.  For my grandparents.  For my family.  But life goes on and you can either partake fully or lay down and die.  I fully intend to partake fully.   I learned that from my grandfather.

Bless his heart.

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