The BiPolar Express

A Glimpse Through the Looking Glass

Just Keep Your Fucking Mouth Shut January 13, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — matildebonaparte @ 10:57 pm

My grandfather is dying.  The 3rd anniversary of my son’s death is approaching on January 20th.  The world is caving in again and people who have no idea how hard it is to continually put one foot in front of the other right now feel compelled to tell me the best way to handle things.

I know that they mean well. I do.  And I appreciate the sentiment. 

However, until they’ve had to stand there as the state trooper says to you, “I’m sorry to inform you, Ms. North, that your son, Joshua Bourgeois, died this morning at 3:33 a.m. as the result of a traffic accident.” they should keep their mouths shut.’

Until they’ve had to bury their heads in their stepfather’s chest and sob and beg him to give somehow, anyhow, give her her child back, all because someone said his name, they really should keep their mouths shut.

Until they’ve had to take a midnight walk with their youngest son, who is trying in his own way to cope with the loss of his older brother and best friend and yet he still has to somehow find the strength to tell you that not only was there an accident but there was a fire and you will never see your child again, not even at the funeral, they should keep their mouths shut.

Until they have had to sit in a circle with everyone who thinks that they should have a voice in how he should be buried and have had to explain that although you  understand that everyone is hurting he is YOUR son and you will bury him as you see fit, they should keep their mouths shut.

Until they have had to pick a coffin and a liner and music and a date for the service and they’ve had to write an obituary and they’ve had to pick a gravesite, they should keep their mouths shut.

Until they’ve had to sit through a service memorializing someone who, to you, will always be a dark-eyed newborn, they should keep their mouths shut.

Until they’ve had to look at his children and know that they will never have any real memory of him, they should keep their mouths shut.

Until they’ve had to stand at the side of an open grave and watch their heart be lowered into that cold dark hole, they should keep their mouths shut.

Until they’ve had to walk away from that cold dark hole, leaving him there, alone, they should keep their mouths shut.

Until they’ve had to figure out a way to live every single day of the rest of their lives without their heart they should keep their mouths shut.

They should just keep their fucking mouths shut.

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