I just deleted this entire post without even bothering to pretend to post it. Now I’m going to rewrite it.
I am really depressed right now. The thing with the doctor yesterday is really bothering me. I hate that someone looks at me and sees what they see. I just don’t know how to fix it or change it. I guess I gave up because nothing I have ever tried has really worked anyway.
I’m going to try being honest. Thats kind of the point of a blog, right?
My weight has ballooned to a much higher number than it has ever been before. I’m having issues with hair loss. I have two bald spots. One at the front of my head and one at the crown. On the other hand, I’ve grown hair in other places that I shouldn’t have. My arms, my stomach…man hair. My body just seems to have become suddenly very confused.
I scheduled an appointment with the specialist for next Tuesday. I really hope he can help me, not only because of these issues could indicate a serious health problem, but because of the way these problems have been making me feel.
I rarely leave my house these days unless its dark outside. I keep my office door closed. I’ve never been a huge people person but I’ve never been accused of being anti-social, either. Today, our bookkeeper called me that since my door is always closed. It made me consider what has happened to me over the last few years.
I’ve gotten fat and ugly. I don’t want to feel that anymore. I’m ready for a change. I truly feel that its do or die.