The BiPolar Express

A Glimpse Through the Looking Glass

Honesty and Change January 31, 2009

Filed under: General Post — matildebonaparte @ 2:52 am
Tags: , , , , , ,

I just deleted this entire post without even bothering to pretend to post it. Now I’m going to rewrite it.

I am really depressed right now.  The thing with the doctor yesterday is really bothering me.  I hate that someone looks at me and sees what they see.  I just don’t know how to fix it or change it.  I guess I gave up because nothing I have ever tried has really worked anyway.

I’m going to try being honest.  Thats kind of the point of a blog, right?

My weight has ballooned to a much higher number than it has ever been before.  I’m having issues with hair loss.  I have two bald spots.  One at the front of my head and one at the crown. On the other hand, I’ve grown hair in other places that I shouldn’t have.  My arms, my stomach…man hair.  My body just seems to have become suddenly very confused.

I scheduled an appointment with the specialist for next Tuesday.  I really hope he can help me, not only because of these issues could indicate a serious health problem, but because of the way these problems have been making me feel.

I rarely leave my house these days unless its dark outside.   I keep my office door closed.  I’ve never been a huge people person but I’ve never been accused of being anti-social, either.  Today, our bookkeeper called me that since my door is always closed.  It made me consider what has happened to me over the last few years.

I’ve gotten fat and ugly.  I don’t want to feel that anymore. I’m ready for a change.  I truly feel that its do or die.


One Response to “Honesty and Change”

  1. MsQ1 Says:

    I had a hair loss problem which began about 3 years ago. Not only great bald patches on my head but every hair on my arms and legs. It took a year before they (they being my nurse practitioner) tried thyroid meds for a minimal low thyroid reading. It almost instantly started growing again. I suffered for a year with that horrendous loss and most doctors chalked it up to either alopecia or “well, it happens to women as they age.” Damn them!!! So anyway, I understand completely where you’re coming from…boy do I. Just don’t give up until you beat it..whatever it is. I never did and I was fortunate to find the answer….and so will you.

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