Occasionally, P~ and I practice for when I finally go completely off my nut. A sample follows:
P: Thanks for calling Uppys118932, this is P~.
M: P~ it’s me. I was followed home by two giant white rabbits with red eyes and green lips. They were driving a yugo and now they’re guarding the front door. I think they’re waiting for their leader!
P: Mom, listen closely. Head for the tunnels. You’ll be fine.
M: Don’t you think I tried that?!? They’ve got hyenias out there, guarding the entrance. I think I’m trapped.
P: Make the hyenias laugh. That way you’ll be able to slip by.
M: They’ve had their laughers removed. And they have dynamite.
P: Damn, laughers removed and dynamite. They’re really out to get you this time, aren’t they?
M: (sobbing) uh huh
P: Okay, well, I get off at midnight. If you’re still alive and able to get out don’t forget to pick me up.
M: OKay, I love you. Talk to you soon. And could you remember to get me one of my coffees as you’re leaving the store?
P: Sure. Good luck with the rabbits and hyenias.
Note: He claims to never explain these conversations to his coworkers, which would explain why they all look at me funny whenever I go to the store. I’d love to know what they’re thinking, though. 🙂