The BiPolar Express

A Glimpse Through the Looking Glass

Not Going To Get Solved Tonight February 15, 2009

Filed under: Moods — matildebonaparte @ 3:11 am
Tags: , , , ,

I’m a little bit depressed tonight.  I feel a bit lost, emotionally, pyschologically.  I’m here with my family and it doesn’t seem to be helping much at the moment.  I don’t think they fully understand how desperate I feel at the moment.

I watched my father taking care his father last night. What I realized is that my dad would have been a great dad.  Now, I know that sounds odd to those of you who don’t know my history.  The thing is, I wasn’t raised by my dad.  He and my Mom were divorced when I was very young, way back when divorce was still a bad thing, and my mom did an excellent job of cutting him out of mine and my brother’s lives.  I don’t say that out of any bitterness toward my mom.  I love her very much.  I’m just stating a fact, as ugly as it is.

My grandmother is in the hospital so I went up and sat with her for several hours today.  She napped a lot so I read a lot.  And watched horrible Saturday daytime tv.  I was so pleased when she allowed me to help her go to the bathroom instead of calling a nurse. I actually felt like family.

Yet now here I sit, depressed, lonely, unsure of what is going to happen next for me.  Job, home, love life.  Its all a mess.  I don’t even know where to start in fixing it.  Its not a problem that I’m going to fix tonight, though.  I guess I might as well not worry about it.

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