God, will Friday never come? I seem to be going through one of my “exhausted” phases. I can barely stay awake at work. I sleep on and off after I get home. Tonight I have a headache, hurts behind the right eye. Never a good thing.
Today was Luiz’s last day. Luiz is a very nice man from Brazil who started working at the firm right after I did. I considered him my friend even though I seriously disagreed with some of his beliefs. First, he’s christian and I guess we all know how I feel about that. Then he was very chauvanistic. Somehow, though, he remained charming and even kind. I’ll miss him a lot. He’s going home to Brazil to get married.
I came close to be willing to get married again. Or live in or something. And it would have involved moving to another country. People say that its funny how life goes but I don’t really think so. I think its actually kind of tragic. I’m definitely not someone who would have chosen to love and lose than to never have loved at all. I’m all about avoiding pain of the emotional type. Some would even say I’m all about avoiding emotion, period.
I don’t think thats true. I feel things. Explicitly. I often feel things other people are feeling. It can be rather overwhelming. I prefer to think that, when I isolate myself, I’m protecting myself. I have the right to protect myself.
I do sometimes still wish, though, I were going home to get married. It must be an absolutely wonderful feeling.