The BiPolar Express

A Glimpse Through the Looking Glass

Fantasies March 23, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — matildebonaparte @ 11:38 pm

Fantasies.  We all have them, right?  I wonder if I have more than other people. I’ve written before about what has often been described by teachers and parents as my “over-active” imagination.  I admit that I do have a lot of fantasies, but I think that the only difference between me and everyone else is that I’m willing to talk about mine.  I want my prince charming to come along and marry me and take me on european vacations and tell me that I can spend as much money as I want to at the grocery store. I want to buy a retirement cottage in Llandudno, Wales and spend half of my year there every year.  I want to buy a farm and have all the standard farm animals…horses, sheep, goats, chickens. No pigs, though.  Rabbits. I did promise the granchildren rabbits if I ever lived anywhere that we could have them.  I want to be independently wealthy.  I want to not have bipolar disorder. I want my daughter to be normal and well. I want Joshua to come back to me.  I want to figure his life out and start moving forward with it. I want to spend more time with my grandchildren, all of them.  I want to feel closer to my siblings and their children. I want to talk to my mom again.  I want to fall in love.  I want to have sex every single day for the rest of my life.  I want to live somewhere where I can take in abused animals of all kinds and give them lots of love and a decent life.  I want to be able to pay my monthly bills without depending on my parents.  I was to get my docterate in elizabethian history.  I want to live for a while as a voluntary slave just so I can see if I can do it.  I want to go to China, Prague, Russia, Ireland, Scotland. I want to go back to Okinawa and Midway Island.  I want to live to be 100. I want to lose 100 pounds. I want arms like Michelle Obama’s. I want the republicans to leave the newly signed healthcare reform plan alone. I want americans to wake up and realize the dangerous path we’re on.  I want people to realize that social reform programs are not as big or scary as they think they are.  I want to spend the summer cooking on my grill and eating on my picnic table and reading a book in a lounge chair on the back deck.  I want to have a best friend.  I want to be able to eat breakfast out every Sunday morning with my parents and I pay for it.  I want my parents to live forever.  I want to go to every single birthday party, anniversary party, any kind of party to celebrate anything and everything with my family and friends.  I want to read every book every published. I want to learn a new word every day. I want to write a great novel and win the Nobel for it.  I want to be published in every language around the world.  I want to find a way to bring peace to the entire world.  I want to buy two love birds and name them Ricky and Lucy.  I want a house that cleans itself.  I want a personal chef and a personal trainer who live with me and make me  behave.  I want someone, anyone, to make me behave.  I want to roll over at night and cuddle up to someone other than one of my dogs (not that I don’t love them dearly). I want my dogs to live forever, or at least longer than I do.  I want to go to the homeplace in West Virginia again and pretend that I’m 12 again and there with my grandparents.  I want to buy real furniture of my very own. I want three more bookcases so that I can display all of my books.  I want to plant some shrubs this spring.  If I ever get married again I want to carry yellow roses and lilacs.  I want to have another baby.   I want a puppy.  I know that there is so much more I want but I can’t think of anything else.  Fantasies are fun, though, and I haven’t even started on the sexual ones!  Maybe I’ll write about those another day.  Right now what I want is some cake batter ice cream and that is a fantasy that I can actually make happen tonight.  Thank god for Food Lion!


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